Fragments of me
Messy mind. Honest words.
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Where does one find the will to continue blogging? I simply lost the will to continue and it is starting to feel like an obligation.
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Winter break sounded so good in my head. I imagined mornings at the gym and the rest of the day spent just chilling. Instead, I’m fighting a cold. At least the fever is gone—that’s something—but my stamina hasn’t caught up yet.
I keep falling into these rabbit holes, wondering what the point is, really. It’s Wednesday now, and I already want to go back to life as it was. No plans for today. Just more of the same—taking it easy.
I hope your week is better than mine.
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Daily writing promptIf you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?
One word only? Huh, well, like is one I’m truly annoyed by. But there are so many to choose from. Like, literally, exetra, expresso. Take you pick.
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The advice I would give is not really advice, but a prediction. I would give hope.
It will end. You will be safe.It did end. I am safe.
Had I told myself the whole truth—about all the years I still had to wait—I wouldn’t be here. So not knowing what the future holds is a good thing, I guess.
The little monkey found a friend, a family. Watching the pack bully him was heartbreaking. I’m glad he had his little stuffed animal. It goes to show that stuffed animals bring comfort. They did for me as a child, and they did for the little monkey too.
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With the pharmacy handled, I decided to treat myself. I wanted a proper burger with fries. Simple. Classic.
Naturally, that was not an option.So I ended up at a restaurant close to where I live — YumYum. Very good food. But, like so many things in Sweden, ordering meant scanning a QR code, placing the order myself, amending it myself, and then waiting. Ten minutes later the food arrived. Efficient. Personal? No.
The food, though — spicy. Hot. Good. Fresh, crispy vegetables. The broth was amazing. Also: way too much food. Ambitious portions for someone who hasn’t exactly been eating much lately.
I don’t usually eat a lot, and especially not today. But on the bright side: my sinuses are now completely clear. So there’s that.
After placing your order, you’re asked to choose a tip amount. Which raises questions. Why would I tip when all that happened was someone carrying the food from point A to point B? Where’s the serving? The small talk? The polite smile? No?
Fine. Still — the food was good.I walked a couple of kilometers at a slow pace and I’m tired now. So yes, I clearly need to take it easy for a few more days. Lesson noted. Temporarily.
But what a day. Sunny, warm, no wind. Perfect walking weather. Not cold at all — which in Sweden means it’s probably around -3. You start thinking spring is here, life is improving, and then remember this is not exactly summer heat.
Now it’s coffee and couch time.
Let’s see which rabbit hole I end up in next.
Good, but not a burger -
I’m feeling better. Still have a cold, but now it’s upgraded to the normal kind — stuffy nose, headache, the classics. I’m restless, obviously, but no, I will not go to the gym until my stamina is actually back. Growth. Maturity. Character development.
Still very tired. Appetite is… present, but not exactly enthusiastic.
I’m going to the pharmacy later. It doesn’t open until noon, because of course it doesn’t. More headache pills. Still, I’m up and functioning, which feels worth acknowledging. I had a good dinner yesterday — yellow pea soup and Swedish pancakes. Highly recommend.
I haven’t decided what to do today. I would love a juicy burger, but that would require entering public spaces and sharing my germs, which feels rude. I’m trying to be a responsible member of society. We’ll see how long that lasts.
For now, I’m off to the grocery store to get some breakfast and some fresh air. The sun is out, the sky is clear.
Rude, honestly. A stunning day.
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When I was 16, I spent a year as an exchange student in the US, Washington state, to be exact. Absolutely stunning. I went through a company called EF. The year was horrible, and I was so happy when I came home.
However, I just realized something. There was a Scandinavian meetup in Seattle. I spent the day there, talking about Sweden and meeting people with relatives or ancestors from Sweden. Good food, lots of people.
A man approached me. Well dressed, polite in his 30s, I would’ve guessed. We talked, he asked a lot of questions, and seemed interested in me. And then he propositioned me. He offered $700 if he could have sex with me. I declined, and he left. I was somewhat surprised, but continued my day.
However, this memory has been popping up from time to time. I take pride in being 16, in another country where no one would know what I was up to, and I have the cognitive ability and moral compass to say no. In the 80s, that was a lot of money. And yet I said no. I am not for sale.
And now these horrible, horrible files have been released. These files are just depicting something that’s been going on for thousands of years. The selling of people, young women, and kids. It’s not new.
Did my moral compass, my idea I’m not for sale save me? Because, honestly. Who knows what would have happened? Still proud of my answer and my moral compass. Or maybe it was something else, something I can not put my finger on. My hypervigilance picked up on something, and I reacted. Danger.
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If you get a cold, you should probably wait a few days and let your body recover before going to the gym and working full time.
Just a suggestion.Did I do that?
No. No, I did not.I had a cold for a few days, went to the gym anyway, and worked full time the entire time. Shockingly, I then slept like a corpse. And what happens when you ignore all basic warning signs? Your body revolts.
Wednesday was not a good day. Didn’t feel well, but pushed through — because of course I did. I was exhausted and coughing my lungs out. Got home and discovered I had a fever of 39.5, which, fun fact, is both high and bad.
My guess is I had a fever on Monday and Tuesday as well, just not as dramatic. So my body eventually said: Enough. We’re done here.
Today: 35°C. Slightly low, but I’m alive and feeling better. No gym. I’ll wait a few days this time, like a person who has learned absolutely nothing but is trying anyway.
I have nothing insightful to report. No thoughts. I’ve been dead to the world. I’m having breakfast now. I’m hungry, which makes sense considering I haven’t eaten — zero appetite, and the thought of food was genuinely offensive.
It’s not as cold as it’s been. I’ve been scrolling a lot. Plenty of time for that.
And yes, Jeffrey Epstein is trending again. I get why. Sick, sick people. What is wrong with humans?
There’s that question: If you could remove one thing from Earth, what would it be?
Easy. Humans.Yes, that includes me. I’m fine with that. As long as the Earth gets some peace. These files just confirm how vile people can be — and it’s not only men. Women cover for them. Enable them. Hunt for them.
Absolutely disgusting.
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I don’t have favorite people.
Well—no, that’s not entirely true.My favorite people are the ones who aren’t around.
I like my co-workers. I genuinely do. But we don’t really hang out. I see them every day, and not exactly by choice. That feels like enough.
So when I’m not at work, I choose to be alone.
Not because I’m lonely.
Not because I dislike people.
But because I’ve already met my quota.Solitude isn’t a fallback plan. It’s the preference.
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I’m not okay.
The fever is still high. Everything hurts. My lungs are burning, and so am I. At this point, I’m starting to side-eye my body and wonder if this is pneumonia or just a very aggressive personality shift.
If I’m not better tomorrow, I’ll have to call the doctor.
Hoping for the best. Bracing for the opposite.The sun is shining. It’s also freezing.
They warned us about a Siberian winter, and for once, they weren’t being dramatic. The past few winters were mild. This one came with intentions.Slow day. A lot of scrolling, zero guilt. It’s genuinely all I can manage, so we’re calling that self-care.
I also left the charger for my work computer at work. The battery life is terrible, so the computer is essentially decorative now. I could go get it. I will not. Not today.
Other than that, I’m alive.
Hope you all have a good day.
